Upon consideration of the life God would have me live…
Fear is a natural emotion that most of us suffer. I’ve often
struggled with fear: fear of man, fear of the future, fear of failure. More
relevant to this conversation, I’ve feared the consequences of trusting God.
Feelings themselves
are not necessarily sinful, but it is how I respond to these feelings that decide
my standing. Little by little, as I grow in my relationship with the Lord and
am introduced and re-introduced to His faithfulness, I am releasing these
emotions and exchanging them for rest. I have determined that, in spite of the
fear that tries to grip my heart, and the doubt that preys upon my mind, I
would rather live radically than securely. In fact, I choose this. I choose to
leave room for my God, my Father, my Rock and my Salvation, to flex His mighty
muscles in my life, even if it requires that I remain blind to His plan,
child-like and dependent.
What does this look like?
As of now, it looks like a sustained obedience to the Lord’s
leading, even it appears as though the path He has chosen for me is the path of
least success by the world’s standards. It means that I will do less to earn
what I have and more to press into His love, maintaining dependence on an
Invisible Force. It means that I will face the fear of poverty, desertion,
death, and instability in hope and faith that, as I take that leap off the
cliff, He will provide a way to the other side.
Today, I want to set a standard for my life that defies all
logic, man-made security, and worldly wisdom. I want to set a standard of trust
in God that is so reckless, ridiculous, and abandoned, and I want to set it
today.
I once heard someone say that the devil will do everything
He can to keep me from getting to a place where I am desperate for God to come
through, because it is in such a place of desperation that God is sure to show
up. I have to believe that in my desperation, He will prove Himself to me, time
and time again. In His faithfulness He is bound to me, by blood. He bought me,
and I am His to provide for.
A powerful Biblical example of this desperate dependence
that Jesus desires us to live in is in Matthew. Matthew 14 and 15 tell two
separate stories of miraculous feeding. In Matthew 14, Jesus fed five thousand
people with only five loaves of bread and two fish, and there were twelve
basketfuls remaining after all had eaten. Similarly, in Matthew 15 Jesus fed
four thousand people with seven loaves of bread a few small fish. There were
seven basketfuls remaining after all had eaten. What an incredible God. Shortly
after, in chapter 16, the disciples followed Jesus across the lake, and the
Bible mentions that they forgot to take bread along with them. As Jesus began
to teach them, they misinterpreted a lesson about the hypocrisy of the
Pharisees due to their preoccupation with their lack of bread. They were
hungry, and probably worried. Jesus rebuked them, saying, “You of little faith,
why are you talking among yourselves about having no bread? Do you still not
understand? Don’t you remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how
many basketfuls you gathered? Or the seven loaves for the four thousand, and
how many basketfuls you gathered?” (vs. 8-11) In this, Jesus was calling His
disciples to a higher standard of trust in His power and in His provision. He
was pleading with them, “Don’t you understand that I can make something out of
nothing? Don’t you understand that I can, and will, give you bread? It’s what I
do! I’ve done it twice before. I’ll do it again.” Jesus was demonstrating to
them a lifestyle of the miraculous. He wasn’t trying to blow their minds with a
super cool once-in-a-lifetime miracle. He was offering them a sure principle on
which to base their lives.
Similarly, when I worry about where the finances will come
from next month, or when I’ll get my next job, or where I should move, or
whatever it might be, He’s right beside me, reminding me of His infinitely
faithful provision for me every day of my life so far. Why should tomorrow be
any different?
God, give us all the faith to trust You radically by
abandoning our independence and self-sustenance. It is only when we do this
that You have room to show up and show Yourself big and powerful. I want to be a
witness to Your character every day of my life. I want this to be my standard
of living.
